It's so weird and difficult when your fate is in your best friends' hands and they don't know it and you don't want to tell them either. It's like sucking up to them which I don't want to do because "don't do unto others what you don't want done unto you" But if I don't and they make a different[not necessarily wrong la] decision, I'll really be affected to a huge extent. And I'm damn afraid it's gonna affect my o levels. ARGH!

There's so many damn things to do and so little time. This week's Renaissance already! And then school reopens 2 days right after.. I wish I had more time. I told myself that I would prioritise and really catch up on life furing the June holidays but so far it's been really stagnant efforts. Nothing has been done. All I have done is go to the bandroom everyday. And now I even doubt it. Maybe my parents were right? Band is not going to do anything for me. I have no achievement in the band. No post and now no award. The chances of me becoming a musician in the future is also oh so little.

So 10 years from now would all this time I spent on Band be worthy? The hours I spent organising the Badminton outing, the NATM outing, the BBQ at bt's house, the Batch mugging sessions, the casual batch talks. The hours I spent staying back so that I won't be the one not there during mini batch gatherings and talks. The hours I spent blogging on the Batch blog and making notes and creating that batch cheer, typing and printing so many forms for the overseas trip. The extra sacrifices I made during band chalet that went completely unnoticed like following qihong to dinner alone because he was the only one who hadn't eaten and was hungry and everyone seemed to dao him. The time spent trying to perfect my ceremonials music and even drills. The time I spent thinking of how I could actually improve the Sec 3s' potentials. The massive responsibilities I took on during Instructors' Course especially which again went unnoticed by the Tops. When all the sec 4s were slacking during the games etc.. Ah heck la ZZZ. When I think about it.. I feel damn angry. Even my classmates and non-band friends who used to give me high regard and invite me to all the movie/soccer outings we had, now don't do the same cause they think I'm a loser for being so enthu for Band. I gave up so much.

(((and now I feel like some Benedick that just keeps ranting to seek attention[at least I'm not seeking attention cause noone reads this blog except perhaps 2 people])))

Hew Zhan Tze - Hey Kartit! I love your jokes a lot. You're damn funny sometimes. Haha :D Your devotion and dedication to Band is also inspiring :D Oh your basturd skills are very godly as well.

Well I guess this comment really cheered me up. A lot of people have called me bastard yet damn funny/jovial/humorous etc. but very rarely do they compliment me for my dedication for Band. So I was really elated to see that. I was like "finally someone!" I wish I get more of these.. But nvm. I hope I can do some prioritising today..some homework.. I really pray that God and friends be on my side. :/

GLTM.